Powerful Women Empowering each other: Being Worthy of Yourself- Part Two

On Thursday, we held the second in a five part series of Being Worthy of Yourself. This session was on Self Acceptance: Accepting the Unacceptable.

First I really want to thank and acknowledge the courage and power it takes for us to show up and participate. When we share a part in the power of vulnerability we open up pathways of new possibilities for ourselves and others. These powerful and amazing women who showed up not only created a new possibility in that room but created a ripple effect of awakening for humanity. Every time we clean up and own our life experiences and the effects, we then create the space for others to create that too.

No destination can be reached in harmony if the journey was torturous. So when we are looking to attain and live a life of peace and joy, the journey needs to also include these elements.

When we are considering the value of accepting the unacceptable, it may be helpful to remember that nothing stays the same forever, everything is fleeting. Eckhart Tolle has said “Acceptance of the Unacceptable is the Greatest Source of Grace”. What could he have meant by this? What is the grace here? A divinely given talent or blessing that is favourable offered to us as an access to source/consciousness?

Well let’s first take a moment to look at what keeps us stuck in not accepting. As humans we love to be in control, or at least in the illusion of perceived control. We strive for autonomy that is to say that we want a satisfactory degree of (perceived) control of our environment, life, and choices. We live in the misconception that acceptance is giving consent and our approval. Rather than looking at the truth that we cannot control others, the environment (economy, weather, mass opinions) and to some degree our life circumstances. We can only control how we create ourselves in any given moment when faced with these uncontrollable life situations/circumstances. Another human limiting habit which keeps us from self acceptance is the habit of self judgement. We are in the illusion that the more we judge ourselves the better we will become, but the more we judge ourselves, the less we see who we really are. Self-judgment is a belittling habit in which you criticize yourself, punish yourself and treat yourself without kindness. So the question posed to the group is how can we treat ourselves with kindness and forgiveness?

“One forgives to the degree that one loves.”
~ Francois de La Rochefoucauld

I found it interesting that we were only able to stay focused on this question and answer very briefly. One response was to use self affirmations, which is a great suggestion as long as the affirmation is in alignment with where we are at in that given moment. That is to say that if I choose an affirmation, it must be one that I truley believe in and not something that is so far from my current state that it causes me to judge and criticize myself because it has yet to be attained. Aside from this one response, it was uncomfortable for us to discuss how we can show ourselves kindness and forgiveness. We discussed it is much easier to do that for others, or if we do it for ourselves we are in fear of becoming selfish or being labeled as unloving. Such a huge topic for women, we have been expected to be there for others on their selfish terms, but not our own.

In actuality acceptance gives us freedom, which in turn gives us our personal control and power. Acceptance allows us to progress in our life. When we understand and apply the concept of acceptance we live more rewarding lives. We are not meant to have ultimate control over any and everything we desire to change. If you controlled everything that unfolds in your life then what would be the point of going through the life experience?

The topic of self acceptance is closely related to self forgiveness. Acceptance provides a mechanism to move past a situation. When we accept, we are freed from worrying, suffering and pain.

Acceptance is growth. Growth is progress. Progress is how we know that we are on the right path. Being on our right path leads to the attainment of our goals, values, and that sense of self and purpose.

Looking at last week’s exercise we reviewed the concept of our true self; the exercise was to image that you appeared in another realm/planet, with nothing, no body, no status, no past education, no relations to the other and then asked yourself “who am I?”. There were some powerful women in this meeting who were not present at the previous session and it was inspiring to hear their take on this. It is a huge question and one which cannot be answered in the time constraints of our meeting, but rather something to come back to again and again. One of the conversations that arose, which I found inspiring, was that if we are to look at our true selves, we connect and know ourselves as consciousness!

Getting ready for our exercise we began with: Name the Self Unacceptable.
(Some ideas; I cannot accept that: I am over weight. I am not in the career I want. I am not a good lover/girlfriend/wife/mother/daughter/friend. I don’t have the money I want, the freedom I want, I don’t live where I want.)

Perhaps you would like to try this out for yourself? Let’s do it together.
Take an object in your hand that you would be willing to drop. It could be a pen, a battery, a stone, etc… Now imagine that your unacceptable concept of yourself is this item in your hand. Hold it firmly, squeeze it into your hand until it molds onto your palm. It will become a little uncomfortable but if you were to keep that held firmly for months or even years, you would get use to the discomfort. This is how we create attachment to the unacceptable in our life, we hold onto to it firmly and after some time, the discomfort becomes the norm.

Now open your hand, allowing the object to rest on your palm. Notice that the (unacceptable) object is still present, but you have released the attachment. You have now created some space. Now if you leave your palm open and start moving around as you would in daily life, the object would eventually fall off. When we are not attached and allow for space to be created, things will transform.

Next, drop the object. Just drop it. What are you left with? No-thing. How did you drop it? What did you do to drop the (unacceptable) object? That’s right, you simply chose to do so. You have this same simple yet powerful possibility when dealing with your self acceptance.

We next worked through a visualization/mediative exercise which the group asked me to record and make available to all. Hope you find it useful.

Acceptance looks like a passive state,
but in reality it brings something entirely new into this world.
That peace, a subtle energy vibration, is consciousness.
~Eckhart Tolle

Recoding
(This is a mental emotional release exercise. Which is designed to empower us in Choosing to Let Go. For our purpose we are choosing to use this exercise to let go of an unacceptable aspect in our self, but this can be used to let go of any unwanted or disempowering feeling.
To begin this exercise, Make yourself comfortable and focus inward. Your eyes may be open or closed. First, Check in with yourself on how you feel about this exercise and what you want to get from it and be with whatever feeling arises.
Now, Focus on an issue that you would like to feel better about, name the unacceptable in yourself. Once you have named this, allow yourself to feel whatever you are feeling in this moment. Your feeling may not be a very strong feeling. Just welcome whatever feeling arises and allow it to be as fully or as best you can.

The instructions for this exercise may seem very simple, and this is necessary. Most of us live in our thoughts, pictures, and stories about the past and the future, rather than being aware of how we actually feel in this moment. However, the only time that we can actually do anything about the way we feel is right NOW.
You don’t need to wait for a feeling to be strong before you let it go. In fact, if you are feeling indifferent, numb, blank, disconnected, or empty inside, those are feelings that can be let go of just as easily as the more recognizable and strong ones. Simply do the best you can right now, allowing things to come up as they do, without resistance or judgement.

As best you can, answer the following questions with minimal thought, stay away from second-guessing yourself or getting into an internal debate.
These questions are simple and are designed simply to point you to the experience of letting go, to the experience of releasing attachment.

So coming back to the feeling of the unacceptable issue.
Now ask yourself:
Could I possibly let this feeling go?
Could I possibly allow this feeling to be here?
Could I possibly welcome this feeling?
Be with whatever answer arises, “Yes” or “no” are both acceptable answers. You will often let go even if your response is “no.”

Now ask your self: Am I willing to let go?
Again, stay away from over thinking or self judgement, just be with whatever arises in this moment. You are doing this as a gift to your extraordinary self to gain access of your own personal freedom and clarity.

So if you have answered no, in that you are not willing to let go or you are unsure then ask yourself this: “Would I rather have this feeling, or would I rather be free?”
If you answer “I would rather be free”, ask yourself, “When do I want to be free?”
This is an invitation to just let it go NOW. You can be free right now. Remember that letting go is a choice you can make any time you choose.
Say to yourself: I choose freedom now.

Gently open your eyes if they were closed.

Repeat this process as often as needed until you feel free of that particular feeling. You will probably find yourself letting go a little more every time you repeat this. The results at first may be quite subtle. But Very quickly, if you are persistent, the results will get more and more noticeable. You may find that you have layers of feelings about a particular topic. However, whatever you let go of is gone for good and this leaves you empowered.